A Season of Birthdays

Birthdays!  Sometimes it seems as though all our boys want to talk about is their birthday.  Typically they begin planning their next birthday party about a month after their birthday.  Here I am just recuperating from the past few months of birthdays and parties, and they're already talking about the next one!  So we have a standing rule established that starts in January: no birthday talk until Dylan's birthday.  In August!


Sometimes the mundane of daily existence can outshine moments.  Special moments need to be embraced.  It is in the stopping, the experiencing of those moments where we catch the true essence of what matters.

Although birthday talk is banished for a great part of the year, we try our best to make each birthday special.  Family traditions have evolved over the past almost nine years to become a family dinner consisting of the birthday boys' favourite, cake and, of course, presents on the actual day.  We try not to overdo.  Dinner is simple and homemade.  Gifts are small, consisting of useful items and candy.  Weekday birthdays usually mean the cake will be cupcakes with icing.  Nothing fancy.

We want our boys to appreciate simple,  We want them to understand the things that truly matter are made up of moments, not money.  It is about being with people they truly enjoy and love, not a place.  It is about embracing what is happening around and for them, not what they get.

September is Nicholas's birthday month.  He turned the most wonderful age of 5!  He's still at that magical stage of being excited about all things in life.  He's also at the age in our family where he could have a small birthday party with a few friends.  This means now there are two events surrounding each boys birthday, the family meal AND a kid party.  But in a family our size, it's nice to be able to celebrate them as individuals more than once to make them feel really special.


It's also a chance for us to do a fancy decorated cake (I use the word 'fancy' loosely here, by the way).  It's taken us a few years of practice, but I'd say this cake is our best yet.  It had candy and a monster truck on a ramp, Nicholas was thrilled!

There isn't a boys in our house who isn't excited by a gift of candy in any form.  I hope my boys will always appreciate the simple gift of a chocolate bar.  Not because of what it is, but because it was a gift given to them.

Not {Quite} Ready...Yet

Early Tuesday morning the big yellow bus stopped at the end of our lane where four excited boys climbed up the stairs and were whisked off to begin another school year.

The night before backpacks hung ready with labelled indoor shoes and pencil cases.  Lunches were packed with the ease of repetition.  The excitement of returning to friends and loved teachers hung heavy mixed with the trepidation of change and new and different.  But even as school routine fell into place as easily as slipping on a favorite cozy sweater, I don't feel ready.

A couple of days into the week still finds me not quite ready for summer to be over and the busyness of school to begin once more.  I'm not ready to say good-bye to four of my boys for so many hours each day.  I'm not ready to give up the slower routine of summertime that is forgiving of stolen moments of play or exploration that drift into stolen hours.

Life this summer looked a little differently for us as we are now baby-free and more easily mobile.  Being able to go out the door in a relatively short time opens up so many more opportunities of doing and going.  I want to hold these moments a little longer and cherish the days while they are still my little boys playing, climbing, jumping and imagining.  I know in a time that is no longer far enough away they will not all be littles anymore.  I still love having littles.  I'm also thoroughly enjoying all the flexibility that boys, not babies and toddlers, provide.

Even as I savoured the lazier days of summer, I used the slower pace to begin implementing new routines to help shift our home form a house of littles and chaos and piles to a home with some semblance of order.  Sometimes we had a few slower days in a row when we could do a really workable routine that included chores, meal planning, and a smooth bedtime.  It gave me a little taste of what our back-to-school routine would look like.  It felt good.  It felt doable.  It felt calm.




But really, for the majority of summer the days of going left routine behind.  And often, those days were even better.  

Mother Nature was so accommodating in providing hot summer days right up to the very last day of summer vacation.  And in true McLaughlin fashion, we kept the days full and busy with a little relaxing time sprinkled in - picnics, visiting with friends, sleepovers with grandparents, playing in the pool, browsing at the market, swimming at the falls, crafting, Lego, WII, the garden and preparing for the local Fair.






 And of course, the beach!

It's all good.  It's all been good.  I'm just not quite ready to let it all go,  Not yet.  Even as we slipped so easily into the routine of preparing for school once again after a lovely two month break, I am going to hold tight to my resistance in giving up summer for just a little longer.  There are still hours after school when we can pretend school routine hasn't caught up with us just yet.

Spilled Milk and Coffee Grounds

I really admire people who are graceful and poised.  I, unfortunately, am not.  Instead, I am clumsy, lack balance and am prone to tripping over my own feet if I'm not paying enough attention to my movements.  It's not unusual for me to drop things I'm holding without reason. And, I'm forever knocking things over because they are near me.  I believe I spill more cups at the table than all the boys put together.

However, today seems to be an exceptionally clumsy day for me.  It all started when I got out of bed today.  Yep, that's all it took.  And it doesn't seem to be getting any better.

I began by multi-tasking at breakfast when I was cooking Cream of Wheat while boiling water for coffee.  Seems rather straightforward, run-of-the-mill sort of stuff, wouldn't you think?  Well, so did I.  At least until I began scooping the coffee grounds into the pot with the Cream of Wheat instead of into the coffee press sitting right next to it!  And my initial thought was, "why are the coffee grounds spreading around like that?  Usually they just sit in a pile until the water is added."  [insert shaking my head here].  It didn't even register that I had done such a silly thing.

Thankfully nothing else has gone quite that badly yet again today.  But I have managed to knock over the olive jar as I tried to put the lid back on.  I also sat the milk down half on top of something so that it spilled.  And when I was putting the fresh-picked carrots in cold water for supper, I dumped the dish on my foot instead.

Seriously, I'm considering heading back to bed and starting over soon!  In the meantime I'm just going to blame today's clumsy maneuvers on this persistent headache I have.  And to keep myself and everyone around me safe and not sticky with spilled something-or-other all over them, I decided to sit on the deck with my feet up and a cup of tea to wait for my lavender headache massage oil to start doing it's thing.

Here's hoping your day is going more smoothly than mine.

Burdened With Inadequacy

There is a little piece of truth I hide from myself.  I keep it covered over just beyond the edge of my mind.  Once in awhile, when I'm not careful, it pops up and forces me to see it.  It's only there for a fleeting moment before I avert my gaze and cover it once again so I don't have to face it.

To be candid, if I face this truth full on, if I take it out and examine it, then I will not only have to do something about it, I will have to admit that I have failed.  And one of my biggest fears is failure.

This little piece of truth is not really all that little.  And I'm pretty sure that more than likely what I try to hide from myself is not at all hidden from anyone that knows me.  It's definitely not hidden from God.

But yet, I continue to deceive myself that as long as I don't look at this truth full on, it is not so.

The truth?  I cope.  

That's it.  I cope.  I spend each day getting things done that can no longer be left undone.  I feed people because they require sustenance to live.  I get children up and out the door because they have some place they have to be.  I attend appointments to keep us healthy or looking civilized.  I work because it is income.  I volunteer because it is the one last thread I am trying to hold on to that connects me to a world outside of my home.

Somehow, most things get done.  But they aren't usually done until they have to be done.  And then, they usually aren't done as well as I would want them to be done.   

And that is where I feel I fail.  Because I would like to do this thing called motherhood well.  I would like to do this project of homemaking well.  But I don't.  I dream, I plan, I attempt.  I fail.

I would like to have myself and my family and my home organized with a working routine established.  But I don't.  I would like to have all our meals planned ahead so I'm not scrambling by 5 pm.  But I don't.  I would like to have a cleaning schedule I follow faithfully so I am not up late the night before someone is coming over clearing piles and vacuuming.  But I don't. 

As I struggle with this seemingly endless burden of wallowing in unaccomplished failure, I have begun to ask myself a few questions.  Questions like, where did I get the idea of what our home and life should look like?  Who am I trying to be like?  Do the things I feel I should be doing better truly need changing?  Where does this burden of inadequacy and failure stem from?

I have no answers yet, maybe I never will for some of my questions, but I have started on a journey of trying to uncover who I am vs who I think I should be.  I have a feeling it's not going to be an easy journey.

And I really don't think I am alone.  I think feelings of inadequacy and failure is something that a lot of women struggle with.  Maybe if we stopped comparing ourselves to one another and supported each other instead we might just reshape our worlds.

Thrifting Fun Re-Discovered

For the past 8 1/2 years I have found myself to be in a bit of a rut.  A lovely, life-giving, nurturing, amazing rut, but a rut none the less.  During these last 8 1/2 years, I have been pregnant, breastfeeding and continuously carrying a small person on my body.  And these have all been done simultaneously.

Life is a little simpler now that I have only Dylan for most days.  He's going to be 3 in a few months so some things, like getting dressed beyond yoga pants and a t-shirt for example, are a lot easier.  I actually strive to wear things I LIKE, not just things that are clean or breastfeeding accessible.  Some days I even have time to put thought into both my outfit AND my accessories.

I've also been trying to use some of my new found time to continue sorting various area of our home that have been neglected for awhile.  Our bedroom has been one of these areas.  I was sincerely surprised when I discovered a box of my jewelry stashed on top of my armoire to keep it out of reach of tiny hands.  I had forgotten about it.  Sorting through it was like opening a wonderful, unexpected present!  It was a walk down memory lane as I recalled acquiring most of the items and how much I enjoyed wearing them.

But in truth, I was really rediscovering just how much I enjoy pretty things.  In a house full of little's with all the many needs that come with little's and their sticky hands, there hasn't been much of me left to focus on unnecessary pretty. 

Another fun thing I recently rediscover - THRIFTING.  How fun is that!

A couple of months ago, after dropping off a van load of donatable goods at Value Village, I decided to go in and do some browsing.  It was my first time in the store that had opened sometime in the last couple of years.  I had previously donated there, but had never gone in. 

I was in need of a new wallet as mine was tattery and starting to split.  I was specifically looking for something not black and I found a deep red one.  So I also bought this pretty purse to put the new wallet in.  Since I no longer need to take a diaper bag with me everywhere (yay!!), a slightly bigger purse is ideal for me right now to slip water bottles, snack cups and a couple of toys into.

Cute new shoes!!

I've since made another shop in the store and these are my favorite find yet:  cute new shoes!!


Recently Luke and I went out for an evening of just the two of us that consisted of dinner out and listening to a band a friend of ours plays bass in.  I wore my new shoes.  We shared a table with another friend, Alanna, who just happens to be the wife of the bassist.  I was so pleased with myself (really, it was just my new shoes I was so pleased with) that I made sure to point them out to her.  She's actually the one who has inspired me to enjoy thrifting again.  She's also the very lovely author of the blog, Selfbinding Retrospect, where she does a Thrift Blitz that I'll be linking this post too.  Hop on over to her blog website to see all the treasures she finds. 

What Pants Are They Wearing?

Recently I was presented with a daunting challenge.  I believe it's a challenge all families come face-to-face with at some point, but, for me, this time it was more intense than usual.

The challenge: wrestling that monumental pile of laundry into baskets of clean, ready-to-wear clothes.  Or, if done especially well, having those clean, folded clothes put away in drawers and closets with the laundry baskets empty and stacked ready for the next challenge

Usually I don't find laundry too overwhelming as long as I keep at it regularly. Sure, there are weeks when the boys know they should just dig through the basket of unfolded, clean clothes to find the underwear they need or the shirt they want.  But I believe there are more weeks without baskets of unfolded clothes tucked against walls or in corners than with.  Or, maybe I just delude myself into believing that.

However, laundry has been neglected terribly as I have been extremely busy.  Deadlines have loomed, papers have been scattered throughout the dining room, and I've been planted in front of the computer most of my days and well into the nights.  I've been living on caffeine and the thought that there would soon come an end to it all.

Clothes have been left unwashed in overflowing hampers and baskets.  Each night I would have the same conversation with the boys as they were laying out their clothes for the following day, "Do you have clean socks for tomorrow?  How about a clean shirt?  Underwear?  No?, OK, lets go dig through the basket of clean to see what we can find...whew!  1 pair, well, at least the important basics are covered."  

Finally the day I dreaded came when I realized the boys' clean pants were no longer a neatly folded pile in the closet but instead just part of the overflow of the laundry hampers.  Ugh!!  The load I least like to do when the sun is shining and the grass is green.  

Again I spent my few precious moments alone that evening and into the night working while everyone was lovely and quietly asleep in their beds.  However, I took a necessary break from the computer long enough to pick through the many laundry hampers to collect together just the boys' jeans.  Pockets were checked for the many and varied bits of boy treasure.  Knees were scrubbed in an effort to remove remnants of mud and grass.  The constant need to scrub at pants in the warm weather is probably the biggest reason the pile of pants was left to grow into two large loads with a few pairs left ready for the next time!  

I crawled into bed in the wee hours leaving two baskets of clean, wet jeans sitting ready to be hung out when daylight brought the promise of sunshine and spring.  I hung up those pants one by one and enjoyed the warmth of the sun shining on me.  My mind wandered aimlessly until I began to wonder, "What pants are they wearing to school today??" 

"Are they even wearing pants??"

And because I was particularly tired that morning after another very late night in a long string of very late nights, I decided it would be interesting to see what they were wearing when they came home.  I can honestly say I was actually a little relieved to see they all came home with semi-clean, decent looking pants on that day.

Joyful Exuberance

Chubby 2 year old feet pound the hallway floor ahead of me.  No pitter-patter in this house.  Always loud.  Always fast.  Always joy in motion.  

Outstretched arms reach for walls just beyond the touch of your straining fingertips.  Making contact would only have slowed you down anyway.  But solid, sweet hands flutter regardless, feeling the wind created by your own speed.  Speed.  You feel so fast, so free.  An unquenchable squeal escapes as you turn your head to look over your shoulder.  As usual, you are checking to make sure I am following your lead.  Crinkled nose.  Sparkling blue eyes. Open-mouthed grin.  How could I possibly resist following?  

Lifting my knees in a march-style run designed purely to make you laugh; I bend my elbows and pump my fisted hands in a matching rhythm.  Just as I predicted, you find me irresistible.   Turning mid-stride, it is only by some miraculous maneuver that keeps you from tumbling backwards as you launch your small, wriggling body at me.  It's with a practiced reflex that lets me catch you midair and swing you above my head, laughing with you at your exuberance.

Bursting through the doorway together, we have completed the trek once more.  This dance we do down the hall with you in lead, me at your heels. It is a ritual of sorts really.  One perfected by the repetitive trips made daily to the bathroom at the end of the hall. 

It's one of those mommy-moments I never forethought in my daydreams of baby-bearing and rearing and all that would entail.  But it is a moment worth celebrating with each and every child born.  YAY you!   And it is no matter that together we visit that tiny room in our house countless times each day.  Every time we do it means you are a big boy now, all grown up and big enough to use the potty on your own, EVERY time!