Keeping Too Much Stuff Makes Clutter

I have a tendency to keep...well, everything.  It is probably one of the things I struggle with most.  I am a huge saver of things that may be used, or may be needed, or may be of use to someone.  Rather than fill our space and home only with items that are of use to us now or have a specific purpose of use, I have filled it with things that may be useful.  Some day.  By someone.  It. Just. Doesn't. Make. Sense.

If I had some noble reason for saving it maybe it wouldn't feel like quite such a burden weighing on me.  But I don't.  It is simply an inability to part with stuff.  Not because I want the items or think they are particularly useful.  Not even because it makes sense to keep it for any reason really.  Being a saver of 'stuff' has become a millstone.  

The trouble with all this stuff I save for use at some indefinable time is how much it hinders us from being able to enjoy our space in comfort and ease.  There is clutter and piles making some areas difficult to organize because they are overrun with too much.  The result is unrest for all.  Things cannot be found easily or quickly.  Mess is left because putting it away is not simple. 

As the accumulation has happened, in a way, I felt somewhat of a spectator watching it grow.  There have been some very legitimate reasons why I haven't tackled the problem head on over the years (we had five babies in 5 1/2 years) as well as some lame excuses (I just don't know how to deal with it).  Although I have turned a blind eye to it at times, the need to do something has never been far from the surface of my mind and I have spent vast quantities of time thinking about my problem even though I have never quite tackled the problem itself. 

I know there are two root reasons why I keep stuff.  The first is my list of "What if's..."  What if we need it someday?  What if the boys want to play with it again?  What if someone else could use it?

The second reason is emotional attachment.  If any of us have used the object or my children made it, played with it, touched it, I feel I must keep it.  Even mysterious tiny bits and pieces must be kept in case something we've used needs that part to fix it.  Or, what if one of the boys find a need for it in one of their projects.

Rationally I know none of it really makes sense or is a good reason to hold on to an object.  But that is the thing, it's not something that is rational.  It is something that is emotional.  Something that is an ingrained part of me that is not easy to change because it cannot be thought through.  It is felt.

Most of the time I am able to assess the items I see as excess and acknowledge they are unnecessary for our home, yet I keep them anyway.  Again, in my time spent thinking about it rather than doing anything about it, I believe my emotional attachment to things stems from two things: 1.  learned behavior and 2.  Decision Fatigue.

With the first, learned behavior, I watched my mom make do with little for much of the time.  As a result, she saved as much as she could so she could offer things to help her children.  She doesn't want us to have to live as she did for so long.

The second, Decision Fatigue, is the direct result of being mostly responsible for making many decisions on an ongoing basis for many little people and being sleep deprived a great deal of the time.  As decision-making has never been a strong skill for me, the overload and overburden with so many littles caused my ability to make decisions about anything not pertaining to daily living to shut down.

But the biggest thing I've learned through all my soul-searching about my inability to part with stuff is simple.  My action, or rather my inaction, is impacting my children in many negative ways.  They are learning by my bad example.  And ready or not, I need to start making some serious changes in my behaviors so I can set a much healthier example for my children.

Burdened With Inadequacy

There is a little piece of truth I hide from myself.  I keep it covered over just beyond the edge of my mind.  Once in awhile, when I'm not careful, it pops up and forces me to see it.  It's only there for a fleeting moment before I avert my gaze and cover it once again so I don't have to face it.

To be candid, if I face this truth full on, if I take it out and examine it, then I will not only have to do something about it, I will have to admit that I have failed.  And one of my biggest fears is failure.

This little piece of truth is not really all that little.  And I'm pretty sure that more than likely what I try to hide from myself is not at all hidden from anyone that knows me.  It's definitely not hidden from God.

But yet, I continue to deceive myself that as long as I don't look at this truth full on, it is not so.

The truth?  I cope.  

That's it.  I cope.  I spend each day getting things done that can no longer be left undone.  I feed people because they require sustenance to live.  I get children up and out the door because they have some place they have to be.  I attend appointments to keep us healthy or looking civilized.  I work because it is income.  I volunteer because it is the one last thread I am trying to hold on to that connects me to a world outside of my home.

Somehow, most things get done.  But they aren't usually done until they have to be done.  And then, they usually aren't done as well as I would want them to be done.   

And that is where I feel I fail.  Because I would like to do this thing called motherhood well.  I would like to do this project of homemaking well.  But I don't.  I dream, I plan, I attempt.  I fail.

I would like to have myself and my family and my home organized with a working routine established.  But I don't.  I would like to have all our meals planned ahead so I'm not scrambling by 5 pm.  But I don't.  I would like to have a cleaning schedule I follow faithfully so I am not up late the night before someone is coming over clearing piles and vacuuming.  But I don't. 

As I struggle with this seemingly endless burden of wallowing in unaccomplished failure, I have begun to ask myself a few questions.  Questions like, where did I get the idea of what our home and life should look like?  Who am I trying to be like?  Do the things I feel I should be doing better truly need changing?  Where does this burden of inadequacy and failure stem from?

I have no answers yet, maybe I never will for some of my questions, but I have started on a journey of trying to uncover who I am vs who I think I should be.  I have a feeling it's not going to be an easy journey.

And I really don't think I am alone.  I think feelings of inadequacy and failure is something that a lot of women struggle with.  Maybe if we stopped comparing ourselves to one another and supported each other instead we might just reshape our worlds.

Too Much Stuff

It's been, well, months since I sat before a blank page writing a new post feeling it would be a justifiable use of time.  There have been piles to unpile and unavoidable deadlines to meet.  And somewhere in the midst of that meals still had to be made and clothes had to be cleaned.  I think my obligations are caught up enough allowing me to wedge in a few minutes here and there assembling my thoughts in print-form.

My last post was an assertion of my effort to rein in some of the chaos in our home.  A big part of this is ridding our home of unnecessary stuff.  I adopt an attachment to stuff when I acquire it.  Once it comes in the door, whether I want it or not, it's hard for me to let it go back out the door.  I'm not (quite) a hoarder and I'm not a collector.  But I am a saver.  I save things that have been given to me even if they serve no useful purpose for any of us.  I save things created, played with, used by or given to the boys.  I save things that might be needed someday.  I save things I dream I might have time to use in the future.

And I'm a piler.  If I don't know what to do with it, I put it in a pile.  If I don't have time to deal with it right now, I pile it over there.  This pertains mostly to papers, but it's also all the odds and ends that collect on counter tops and in corners.  Then, when I need to do a quick clean up, I get a box, pile it in and put it downstairs telling myself I will deal with that later.  The problem is that later never seems to come.

About six weeks ago, later finally arrived!  We were ready to have new carpet installed in the bedroom downstairs.  During a break in the renovation process this was temporarily unused space leaving me plenty of opportuntity to diligently fill it up with all that I'll-do-it-later stuff.  But the time had come to deal with it.  My piles of collected clutter had to be sorted and either put away or purged.  And I did it!  Between boxes painstakingly emptied and a huge truckload of stuff donated, it was time well spent because the result was a clear room.  The saying "a weight off my shoulders" truly describes how I feel.

This has made it all worth it.

A beautifully finished clean space for James and Morgan to call their own.  Now talk about a motivator!  Seeing such an end result spurs me on to reclaim the rest of the space I haven't gotten to...yet.  

Time to Get Organized!

I have always found it difficult to accept the passage of time without regret that I haven't done more and been more.  I frequently reflect on what has been and what I've done.  More often then not, it motivates me to do differently in the future.  Sometimes I am successful; sometimes I have to try again.  And again.

2014 is now over six weeks old.  Whether one is given to setting resolutions or goals on New Year's Eve or not, there is something about a new calendar year that instills reflection and planning.  I'm not sure many people can truly escape the nostalgia that presents itself as the clock counts down on December 31.  Then that magical second between 11:59 pm and 12:00 am strikes and provides us unadulterated freedom to begin re-writing our own story.  A clean slate, if you will.  A moment is taken, whether willingly or unwillingly, to reflect upon our accomplishments, disappointments, happy and sad times.  It's a moment to speak to ourselves and make the promise of trying, once again, to do and be the best we can.

This year I determined to change my perspective even though I don't usually make resolutions.  I have always liked to be somewhat of a bohemian drifting with a come-what-may-for-the-day attitude.  However, with a large family to manage, a home that needs tending and work that has deadlines, how can I seriously continue to live in my bohemian bubble?  Oh sure, it was fine when there were mostly babies and toddlers in the house, but school has changed that.

I have spent a lot of time reflecting and have set some (ehh hmm) goals.  Aak!  I can't believe I am actually saying this!  I am NOT a goal-setter!  I'm not an organized, everything-in-its-place house manager.  I'm just not, it doesn't resonate well with me since I've never done it.  But for quite awhile now I've been looking at what is not working in my habits and our home.  It comes down to this: organization.  So, whether I like it or not, I will have to become organized.  Oh, don't get me wrong, I love the idea of organization!  My hurdle is that I don't know how to get there.  So, I've looked at the advise of what works for some fellow bloggers.  I've questioned my sister-in-law who, in my eyes, is the queen of getting it done and making it work.  I pinned anything I found online on Pinterest so I could find it again when I needed it.  And I have talked it over and over and over again with my very patient husband.

One day, not long ago, I took the plunge and started.  I actually took time to write out the many thoughts whirling through my mind to consolidate them into a list of goals.  I printed off some worksheets and guidelines I think will help keep me on track.  And to top it all off, I compiled all of these into a "household binder" so I can easily access it and use it.

Now I'm taking it one step further.  I am typing this out for others to read when they stumble upon my words either by choice or by chance.  Now I am accountable to at least attempt implementing these changes.  I have known for so long they are necessary but, due to both reluctance to change on my part and circumstances that I couldn't change, I have not yet begun. 

But what better time is there than now?  Tomorrow is a fresh new day ahead of me without any mistakes, disappointments or failed attempts written on its pages yet.  (Thank you Anne Shirley!)

My New Year Begins Tomorrow

The first day of 2014 is winding down.  Boys are in bed, dishes are done.  The busyness of the holiday season is officially over.  I sat drinking a cup of steaming tea while the Christmas tree lights still twinkled.

Tomorrow I will truly begin this new year.  I will fold the baskets of clothes that have sat unfolded these last days.  I will sort and put away the gifts still scattered beneath the tree.  I will sort out the pile of winter coats, skates, helmets and boots littered in the entrance.  I will once more begin the laundry cycle to rid our rooms of the mountains of unwashed clothes.  I will plan the meals we will eat for the last few days of the boys' vacation from school.

Tonight I will just sit and enjoy.  I will reflect on the year we left behind with the stroke of midnight barely 24 hours ago.  I will think of the happiness reflected on the faces of my boys as they enjoyed the wonder of the holiday.  I will make mental notes of how to accomplish it all in a more timely, less stressful way next year.

Memories were made.  Happiness was given and received.  Wonderful food was eaten.  The holidays were celebrated with family and friends.

Tomorrow I will start my new year and all the fullness that life will bring each day.  Today I will embrace the year we just made wonderful with laughter and music and smiles and hugs.

A New Beginning

It's been a long time since I've been here.  What can I say, life got busy.  A big part of that busyness is the newest addition to our family.  Meet Dylan - our fifth wonderful son who is now 13 months old.

Dylan riding his favorite toy.

For a long time now I've been wanting to get my fingers back to tapping on the keyboard; putting in print these fabulous musings I write in my head each and every day.  Yet, I don't think it is befitting to continue to write something titled Michelles4boys.  Still, the overwhelming need to get this started can no longer be denied.

There is a chaos that comes with a large family.  I am the first to admit that organization, routine and scheduling are probably my weakest traits.  Let me tell you, chaos is magnified many times over when a young family like ours is left to run according to its whims.  However, we are on a mission to change that.  Out of the chaos we want to initiate some very necessary changes that will bring more harmony within these walls.  For me, part of that is taking some time to reflect and chronicle my view of this world in which I live.

I keep telling myself that I will begin writing again when I get that done or this sorted.  But I no longer want to wait.  I am ready NOW to begin something new, even if this isn't the best time to start something else in my already busy life.  While I accept that our lives will always be full with so many little people to care for, I am hopeful it will be a little less tumultuous as we move forward with our quest to redirect the ways of our family.

And so I welcome you to my new home, Simple Bounty.