From the Sidelines

I watch them out there every week.  Skates laced tight, helmets on snug.  Concentration etched deeply on their brows as they manipulate their feet and bodies while maintaining their balance.  Arms and legs working together to achieve careful unity.  Week by week subtle improvements might be visible in one boy while another seems to still be struggling to balance properly when lifting a foot or turning precisely.  Some weeks one child will almost dazzle when he suddenly masters skating backwards.

Tonight is different.  The regular stations situated at each corner of the ice rink are left empty.  Rather than barriers, drills and practice, the ice is clear for a free skate.  It's beautiful watching them.  Amidst the skaters, small and big, skills vary over a wide degree.  Among our four boys alone, abilities and enjoyment are wide ranging.  Two short months of weekly lessons have brought dramatic changes for each of them.

Slowly their steadiness increases as their confidence grows.  From the sidelines I cannot differentiate which inspires the other - does confidence bring steadiness?   Or do they feel more confident when they achieve a greater level of steadiness?  Either way, the blossoming of success is wonderful to watch.

It was a good decision to enroll them in skating lessons this year.  When they began their abilities were mainly remaining upright and making forward momentum.  James and Morgan have quickly progressed gaining speed, fluidity and skills.  While Evan is progressing at a much slower pace, he's acquiring his own set of skills and is able to do much of what he is shown even if it is in his own awkward way.

But tonight was Nicholas's night to shine!  His determined, solid little body usually makes him appear as a tin soldier on ice skates - legs straight, arms pumping rigidly at his sides.  The moment his skates hit the ice tonight, there was a difference - he glided.  It was the first time I'd watched him move so easily across the cold surface.

At times like this I love sitting on the sidelines.  They learn, grow and accomplish while I have the great privilege of simply watching them.  So much of parenting is teaching and shaping little ones and all the joys and trials that come with it.  But sitting on the sidelines, ahhh, that provides lovely, (almost) uninterrupted moments of watching them experience their life.

Halloween - Day 31

Excitement builds as the day progresses.  Chores are done without complaint.  A friend drops by with early treats.  Costumes are donned for a first run through.  Pieces are found; incomplete costume parts are made.  Face paint is picked to make the costumes complete.  Trick or Treating time is soon to begin.

An early supper of fruit, cheese and crackers is spread on the table to nibble on while we prepare to face the night.  Tummy's don't need to be too full tonight as plenty of treats will be eaten later.  There are certain times through the year I don't limit the amount of treats and goodies they eat.  Halloween is one of them.

After clothes are layered beneath the costumes for warmth, accessories are added and makeup applied.  Pictures are taken and we head out the door.  A Mystery Man, a pumpkin, Robin Hood, a dinosaur, and a black and white cat all load in the van.

Driving to town we trudge up the streets.  Small boys walk diligently on through drizzle and rain, knocking on doors Daddy says are okay.  As wee legs tire and fingers grow colder the little ones climb in the van that is warm.  But the twins keep Daddy walking, and standing in the wet, until home and dry beckon warmth.

Dylan fell asleep well before the last doorbell was rung.  Evan and Nicholas sat sorting candy in their seats in the van, enjoying some while we waited.  The three went straight to bed, exhausted by Halloween.  But James and Morgan's fun was still running high.  A good snoop through their loot, a few treats to eat, and off to bed they went.  

Click here to see the rest of my Write 31 Days series:  Simple Gems

Thank you for joining me on this journey through Write 31 Days.  I'm so glad I accepted this challenge.  It's really helped develop my love of writing and making it part of my every day.  Starting tomorrow, November 1, I will be starting my next writing journey of NaNoWriMo so I can continue writing daily.  I'm so excited! 

On Being a Writer - Day 30

Sometimes staring at a blank page disheartens me.  The words I thought I had in me before I sat down have vanished.  I have nothing to offer.  The blank space, sitting empty, taunting me to fill it up is as intimidating as standing before a crowd of people and feeling I am paralyzed to open my mouth.  My fingers sit poised over the keyboard but I cannot strike the keys.  I cannot string together the individual letters that will form words into sentences to convey my ideas.  There is nothing.

It's a difficult conundrum.  To write is the very act of...writing.  It should be simple really - make words flow together into sentences to express an idea to share with others.

But writing, that is something entirely different.  When writing is something born of yourself, created in your imagination alone, and something others may {potentially} read, it takes on a whole new significance.  It becomes not just words and sentences expressing an idea, it becomes a piece of your soul exposed to the world.  Even if no one else ever reads the words put into print, once it is brought to light, the writer becomes unshielded.

Displaying my own vulnerability by writing, then sharing it through this blog leaves me feeling naked.  Thoughts formed in my mind and shaped by my words are available for others to examine and judge.  Every time I hover over the post button, I pause feeling a wild moment of panic.  As great as I desire to share my writing, my desire to keep what I compose private is stronger.

Write 31 Days has moved me forward in my journey as a writer.  Joining a writers group has motivated me to quit hiding.  I enjoy weaving words and expressing myself in ways I would never achieve verbally.  I have journeyed through this challenge, apprehensive at first and gaining boldness along the way.  I'm finally embracing writing as one of my passions and owning it.  I can call myself a writer and not feel I need to justify why quite as strongly as I did at the beginning of this month.  I feel I have proven to myself that I do have something worth sharing.

I have also decided to take the plunge into NaNoWriMo!  I am joining all the other aspiring authors attempting to write 50,000 words in the month of November.  Writing every day has become a habit I look forward to; I don't want to lose the momentum and rhythm I have come to enjoy.  NaNoWriMo is the perfect opportunity for me to continue practicing my newly adopted craft.

I wonder what November will bring.

Click here to see the rest of my Write 31 Days series:  Simple Gems

The Truth - Day 29

Capturing elusive moments throughout these days of writing for Write 31 Days allows to me be selective as I tell my tales.  (See my landing page here to learn more about this challenge.)  Some of what I've recorded have been experiences with others.  Other times my impressions or memories have been the focus.  Always they are the moments of greatest significance that I reflect on at the end of the day.

Daily expectations to seek out moments finds me slowing down, taking time to reflect, considering why or what a moment means.  It's been good.  Appreciating simple actions and kind words creates healthy perspective.  Finding significance and beauty in all types of experiences forces me to remember why all this daily hard and messy life is being lived.  They are all split seconds that lay the foundation of who we are as a family, and as individuals.  Not big flashy moments but the hugs, chats, smiles and laughter shared together that make all the hard, worth it.

For our home, there is far more mess than there is beauty.  Always the housework needs to be done as there are crumbs on the floor and dust on the shelves.  Scattered wherever you look are toys, books, trucks and Lego.  Always Lego!  Dishes need washing.  Baskets of clothes, both clean and dirty, move throughout the house as good intentions to wash or fold are left waiting.  Toilets need brushing.  Summer clothes need storing and winter clothes need finding.  Organization is lacking!

For our family, there is often more frustration than there is harmony.  Boys are disagreeing.  Mom's instructions are ignored.  The most insignificant of things has caused a fight to break out.  Boys run, still yelling, even after being told to stop being so loud.  Always loud!  Parent's raise voices to be heard over the din as they try sharing together some of their day.  Reminders are given.  Items are misplaced and time is spent looking.  Then looking some more.  Tantrums happen.  Frustration is felt by all.

Still in the midst of all that going on, the most important things are never neglected.  The children are clean and tummies are full.  The house is warm.  There are clean clothes aplenty even if socks from the sock box are matched as we head out the door.  We read together (most days).  Hugs are given.  Sorry's are said.  Laughter is shared over silly jokes or misspoken words.  I love you's are shown, not just spoken.  Thoughtfulness is extended.

For the last twenty-nine days I have stolen time from these hectic days to record the best parts of this chaos that is made beautiful simply because we are living it together.

Click here to see the rest of my Write 31 Days series:  Simple Gems

Kindness - Day 28

Kindness.  The concept is simple - to act in a thoughtful way towards another.  It's a word that requires energy involving forethought and genuineness.  The gesture invokes an emotional response in the person receiving the kindness; and often, in others who witness the kindness

I have tried to teach my children to be kind to one another and those around them.  However, they are boys.  They become distracted so easily and are completely unaware of opportunities to show kindness to those around them.  They can be loud, in the way, swinging things or suddenly jump when it's least expected.  They keep me on my toes and my reflexes quick.

I try to extend kindness to others.  Sometimes I find myself very much mired down in the care and the needs of my little ones and I miss my own opportunities to act in kindness.  It feels like I am letting others, and myself, down when this happens.  Others may not know that I saw a need and tried to meet it only to not succeed, but I do.

Once when we were about to go in the arena, I missed holding the door for someone because I was carrying two bags containing skates and helmets.  I couldn't get there fast enough to help.  Instead, someone held the door for me as I ushered my crew into the building.   It wasn't the first time a situation like this has happened; I'm sure it won't be the last time.  I felt humbled.  

I am a physically capable, independent person.  I feel I should be able to do for myself and my children.  And I want to do for others as well.  But the reality too often is that I need a helping hand.  Over the last nine years I have slowly started to appreciate help and kindness when it is extended to me without feeling guilty for needing the help.  That is the biggest obstacle - not feeling guilty.

The kindness of strangers has been remarkable the few times my mom has gone out during these last months when her mobility has been less.  Doors are held open so she can go through.  Chairs are vacated to allow her an easily accessible chair to sit in.  Papers are brought to her rather than her having to move to them.  Even now, as she is able to walk with just a cane, people jump to assist her in any way they see.  I am touched by how thoughtful others are.  I hope I react as readily when I see someone that could have a door held open or are in need of a chair.  

Again, for me, it's reminiscent of my nephew Jake.  Oh, the kindness showered on him!  It often overflowed to those of us with him and could be overwhelming!  He, of course, took it all in stride in his usual Jake fashion.  We were uplifted.  Of course there were the people that rudely stared at a bald child who was obviously a cancer patient.  And when he was weaker, there were those that would step in front of his wheelchair or not move so we could pass without bumping his chair.  Bumping anything meant causing Jake pain.  But kindness overshadowed all of this.  I remember people who were compassionate and kind.  People who cleared the way for Jake, or held doors open, or made Jake smile.  

Yes, kindness invokes an emotional response, even in those only witnessing the kindness.  

Click here to see the rest of my Write 31 Days series:  Simple Gems

Friends - Day 27

The day stretching before me was scattered at best.  Other than a plan to visit my mom and feed my family, there was no plan.

In recent weeks, my regular day-to-day at home has been returned back to the haphazard chaos of not getting things done.  Although I had expected it, knowing I would be gone almost daily to help my mom as she recuperated, my dislike of the disharmony once again has surprised me.  I have put a lot of energy into making over some of my habits and instilling workable routines and structure into our home over the last number of months.  The changes had been needed for a very long time and I relied on them heavily.

Putting some of the new habits and routines on hold temporarily has left me feeling a bit lost at times.  I know what needs to be done, I know what I should do.  But fitting in any extras above meal-making, laundry, basic care needs of my family, and work doesn't give me much time to tackle anything of significance.  When I have a block of time without a plan, I flounder.

In typical fashion when I feel at loose ends, I began cooking.  As most meals have been my go-to easy meals lately, I settled in happily to make a lovely mushroom soup from scratch for lunch.   My phone rang just as I was about to add the last ingredients.  A thoughtful friend was inviting me to visit a local craft sale with her.  Again, I floundered.  Indecision about how to use my time most effectively is a true struggle for me these days.  I wanted to go with her, not because of the local event which hadn't even made it onto my radar, but because I realized as soon as she invited me that I am craving time with my friends.  How did she know?

Pulling myself together, I quickly checked that Luke hadn't made plans to go anywhere.  I put the finishing touches on the soup and set it to simmer so it would be ready for the boys.  Then I made as short of work as possible of making myself presentable to the world beyond my door.  In other words, I got out of my yoga pants and brushed my hair into a more controlled pony-tail.  She still had to wait a few minutes before I was ready to go.

We were together for only a little more than an hour, but it was a rejuvenating hour.  We wandered around the small craft show together with her daughter.  We talked about the things on the tables, things we've bought before, or use regularly.  We admired artwork and handwork.  We bought a few things.  We ran into people we knew and chatted with them.  We laughed.  We were just...friends.  She was a bit of refreshment for my soul.

Click here to see the rest of my Write 31 Days series:  Simple Gems

A Boy and His Dog - Day 26

We are greeted in the driveway before we even leave the van.  Three black and white dogs, still puppies, jump and bark their welcome in a frenzy of wiggling bodies and wagging tails.  Opening the door slowly, pushing them back with the bulk of metal, clears just enough space for me to enter the throng.  I try to pet each black head individually even while the noses another is between my hand and my mark.  After a moment, I feel I have successfully made contact with each ball of energy and hope they are slightly calmer before opening the sliding van door to let Dylan out.

It never works.  

Opening the door while Dylan is still strapped in his car-seat, the puppies stand waiting expectantly while I unclasp the buckles.  As soon as he is free of his seat, before his feet even hit the ground, he is swarmed.  When he was smaller, a little less sure of himself, he would hide behind my legs.  Now he is in command.  He tells those dogs to stay "down!".  Once the commotion of wagging tails, lolling tongues and rooting noses subsides, we begin making our way to my parent's house.

The short trek from van to house can often be distracting for a boy of three: Papa on the tractor, cats to catch, a toy to retrieve.  Always there is Missy.  She faithfully walks alongside him, leaning her head against him wherever he stops hoping for another pet, another hug.  I love watching them together, two peas in a pod, full of energy, affection and fun.

Missy has claimed Dylan for her own.  She tolerates his rough loving play.  She sits waiting expectantly for him to come back out the door.  She follows him wherever he wanders whether on a lead or freely beside him.  She loves him.  She is loyal.  She forgives him for leaving for long spaces of time; he forgives her the neediness she oozes.




Click here to see the rest of my Write 31 Days series:  Simple Gems